Summer Blossoms and Wild Flowers

These are called White Angel flowers. I never used to notice them before.

The first time I noticed these flowers was during my confinement period at the rehabilitation center in Quezon City.

Blooming like little white stars, perched upon its native bough, each little white angel flower eventually sheds itself from its lofty perch, to grace the awaiting earth with a delicate beauty that soon passes away.

One would think it sad, that these fragile little flowers shed themselves in this way. They fall like starlight falls upon the world to become something hidden from sight.

But such is the nature of beautiful things, caught only in glimpses that soon become ephemeral memories of a distant time, fading away into forever.

Beauty is fleeting.

But only for those who seek her not. For beauty will not impose herself upon those who are unaccustomed to her nearness. Such too is the nature of beautiful things, chaste.

Beauty also lasts.

But only when love is in the eye of her beholder. For when love is in the heart, beauty becomes a part of her beholder, to dwell with her beloved forever.

Indeed, I think it fitting to call these flowers White Angel flowers.

They are beautiful to me.

They reminded me of my darlingest Annelies Marie and gave me much comfort during the most difficult times of my primary confinement. They still do and I think they always will.

Now I see them everywhere.

I also know now where these flowers go...

And they never fail to sustain my spirit.

---<--@

It's a Mrrrowley Polley flower... =^.^=

Image in My Heart

DURING THOSE TIMES when I can pull back from the clutter and the noise of the outside world and enter into the secrets of my soul, into the interior Kingdom of the infinite God of my heart, I wonder at all the possibilities of happiness there is... and always come up short of the satisfaction of knowing and understanding all there is.

There is always infinitely more to our happiness than God would lead us to apprehend with our tiny capacity for imagination.

And when my memory had had it's thimble capacity fill of the beatitudes of the spirit and I try to bear away what's precious with each new and profound intimation of happiness, my remembrance stirs within me and recalls me back to the Presence of the one Giver above all His gifts.

It is God's special way of telling my forgetful, little soul, over and over, that He is the great Jewel in the parable, the Treasure hidden in the field, my Pearl of Great Price, and I rediscover, again and again, the immensity of the joy that awaits those who love God and serve Him with righteous fear.

One treasured memory I have, one that is most precious to me, is of a past image drawn from these same wanderings of a place in my heart with my darlingest Annelies Marie.

It is a location in M31, the Andromeda Galaxy; a spot above the galactic core - upon a luminous place filled with life and light...

Above us, the blue of our skies were a conscious, golden blaze of a million shining suns set against the enormous galactic backdrop of Andromeda.

The whole land was a fertile blanket of welcoming flowers and trees laden with every good fruit imaginable, all the animals were tame and none of them ate the flesh of the other.

There was a beach and a hill near the seaside, she was there and I was with her on the hill.

She wore my hopes like little white flowers on her beautiful, flowing hair and I gave to her a little bouquet of those fragile little hopes that I picked from her heart.

We were an infinite comfort to each other as we sat on the hill, a comfort I always feel about my Anneka.

We quietly enjoyed our togetherness as we looked out into the timeless sea, gazed at the waves of the comings and goings of life; the ebb and flow motion of the washing away of the darkness of exile time.

There we remained, my Anne and I, until all of the darkness was spent and all of the evil and the suffering had fled from the world and there was only this everlasting friendship in the Presence of an Everlasting Love.

---<--@

The opposite of possibility thinking is impossibility thinking.

Create in Me

CREATE IN ME a clean heart, O Lord.
Cleanse my soul from the stain of sin.
And give my life new shape, my Jesus.
Give my soul new meaning, a new song.

Abide with me, my Jesus, remain in me -
Help me abide with You, remain in You.
Then lead me O kindly Light, lead me on.

Through fields of battle and strife of soul;
beyond vast empty deserts of my heart;
above the darkness that consume my mind;
through the tears, my Most Holy Redeemer,

through all life's pain and sorrow, lead me on,
across oceans of mercy and into Your arms.

You loved me, O Love, and I knew You not.
O Holy Savior, the darkness consumed me!
I was blind to see the Beauty of Your Face.

Forgive me, my Jesus, please forgive me.
For I was dead to all things living in Thee.
I lived in the darkness and I knew it not.
You called me and I awoke to Your Light.
Now, I am a wretch, my most loving Jesus.
I am mired between Your world and mine.
A miserable sinner yet in love with his sins.

I struggle to follow You yet my soul is caught -
between tides of darkness and of Your Light.
'Tis my sweetest calamity to love You, my All!
You are the Light that beckon me ever onward -
Abounding in power at the approach of darkness.
Your grace to rouse my heart when evil is near -
that peril that consume my soul with holy fear.

O Silence that fills my heart with consolation -
O Love that was afflicted for our salvation!
Lord, you are my strength when I am weakest;
the courage that inflame my hope with daring,
the daring to be what You truly want me be -
as the great Knight of the Immaculata said:
"A saint and not just a saint but a great saint!"
So deliver me, O Lord, please be merciful to me.

For You are the hope and You are the daring.

Late have I found You, 'tis late that I have risen -
to Your promise of things new and everlasting!
You loved me, O Love, You lived in my heart.
And You let me taste Your everliving waters.
Now my soul pines for You, 'tis in love with You!
Beauty beyond me, living in me, all around me:
O Father Who transcend me, yet so near me.
Savior looking down on me, sitting beside me.
Holy Spirit dwelling in me, alive to my reality.
O Holy Trinity: One, true God, in Persons three!
My heart is hungry for Your acceptance of me.

I desire the joyous company of Your Holy Saints -
Saint Maximilan, Saint Lorenzo, Blessed Jacinta,

my Annelies Marie Frank and all Your Holy Souls,
all those who love me and all whom I love in You -
Holy Michael, archangel and patron of my family,
Caritas, my Angel dear, all the Holy Angels of God,
Our dearest Mother Mary, the Queen of my heart,
above all, You, my Jesus, my Lord and my God!

In Your most sweetest embrace, I will dwell, my All:
"well done, good and faithful servant, well done."

So deliver me, my Jesus, from this dark twilight.
Lead me into the morning of my new life with You -
and I will give you my life, O God of my heart!

A contrite and humbled heart you will not spurn!
It is out of love of You, my most loving Jesus!
It is out of love of You, said my Blessed Jacinta!
It is out of love of You, my All, so please help me!
It is out of love of You, O Savior, come save me!
It is out of love of You, O my Jesus, set me free!

O my God, make haste to help me, I humbly pray:
Give me a new life and a new song to sing to You -

A clean heart create in me, O God,

a steadfast spirit renew within me.

And I will sing forever of Your Love and Your Light.
I will carry Your Light into the deepest of darkness.
I will advance Your Love into the poorest of hearts.
I will carry my cross with You until my life is spent.
I will live my life to serve You, giving all to my All!

O my Jesus, hear me, and deliver me, for I am Yours.
Through the Mother to the Son, all that I am is Yours.
You are my everything, my All, and I am but nothing!
Come, Lord Jesus, come, become for me my Everything!
O Holy Savior, save me, set me free: For I am all Yours.
O God, a contrite and humbled heart you will not spurn!

(All to my All, 20080113)

Addiction.

Cheers to New Addictions

Here's to new addictions -

may all addicts find a worthier love

to fill the hunger in our hearts.

May the longing in our souls

find a better source of sustenance

than the poison of demon drugs.

May the storm and the struggle abate

as we let recovery take its hold

and give serenity a chance.

We have not come this far to forget

but to remember what's worth living for,

so may we know to always remember

the true value our relationships

and be brave enough now

to address the healing of past hurts.

So here's to family and to old flames -

may God bless each our families

and may His grace keep us together.

May old flames never die,

only the pain of days gone by.

Here's to old friends and to new ones,

may old friendships remain ever new

and may new ones feel as old ones do

as if they've always been -

full for forever.

---<--@

Recovery is a return to promise.

Recovery is like...

Recovery is like Vampire Vegetarianism.

You know the urge,

that gnawing and familiar pain

that need to feed...

You feel the devouring thirst,

you sense that overpowering need...

and suddenly, you're afraid:

You're an addict in recovery!

You savor the interior struggle,

unbosoming to thy God the truth

of your purest desire,

your most guarded secret.

And in the rising of your prayers

to the God of your heart

you find peace.

---<--@

Your thirst betrays the real you.

Here's Oliver!

Oliver is my therapy cat. Let me tell you how I met him -

I was walking out back of the center when I noticed this cat walking up on the wall towards me. He was mostly of the vanilla persuasion with orange marmalade points and a tail half bent near the tippy tip - a semi-putot, as it were in Filipino.

We saw eye to eye and for an instant. I sized him up. He sized me up. He looked at me for a moment with those little cat eyes that were like mysterious ebony slits suspended in a sparkly sea of lively gold. Then he meowed at me as if to say, "hello there, I'm going to be your cat." And so it was. This was some ten months ago.

Well, all I really heard was "meow" but the meaning was still there. It just takes time to really understand cats, you see. Anyway, what was really clear to me then was that this cat was going to be my friend.

And so I received his friendship as gift. I was thankful.

Over the days and the months I spent with that cat I realized that God is trying to teach me something through His creature - something about my recovery. One thing is for sure, my God cares enough about my recovery to send me this little cat of His. For I was the only patient with an approved therapy cat at the center. I began to appreciate my little buddy, Oliver.

Well, that's the name I eventually called my feisty little feline buddy. I tried Vincent but he was not a Vincent. I tried Swissy which is a name of one of our childhood cats but he was no Swissy. Oliver somehow stuck and so that's what we (Oliver and I) agreed his name would be.

Now, some people think cats are self-centered but that's only because they fail to treat every cat as an individual. People think they could fit all cats in a convenient little box. Not so. There's no stereotyping cats. One must be willing to trust cats to truly understand cats.

To really understand the manner by which cats like to express their own way of companionship, one must learn to be patient about them, accepting both the good and the bad with paws and claws, dander and fur, whisker and fang and all. One must love first and then understand.

And one must never try to think ahead of a cat! This would only lead to frustration. Cats like to live in the moment, you see: Not in the past, not in the future, my friend, just today. So when my Oliver is giving me therapy - we're always in the moment: JFT.

Active addiction affects not just human relationships. It affects all relationships. It breaks our natural connection with all living things - cats, dogs, plants, and trees - so that locked up in that prison from within the self we become truly isolated.

Even the angels weep when the darkness of drug abuse pulls our souls deep in the mire of things beneath our human dignity. Their tears fall like the rain that we never see from those prisons we create from within ourselves. Only God could bust us loose. But we first must learn to hearken to His voice. Unfortunately, not all addicts survive this process.

I am grateful I did knowing I could not have done it alone.

So thank You LORD and thank you all!

Thank you, Oliver!

Of course, there are still those familiar temptations and problems thrown willy-nilly amidst the vicissitudes of this life - but once one becomes familiar with what life - in those moments - has to offer, patiently and resolutely, one soon learns of a freedom that was not there before. Recovery then becomes a viable choice - the freedom to be free at last.

Truly, there is life after drugs.

---<--@

A really bad sketch of Oliver the cat.

Endless Blue Sky Sunshine

Live your truth responsibly!

Speak it like you mean it.

Share it like you love it.

Keep it like you really care,

gripping it not with your hands,
but embracing it with your heart.

Nurture it as if it were yours
knowing always to be thankful
to the one God of Whose Reality
is the one Truelight you reflect;
the one LORD by Whose desire
you are called to become you.

So strive with courage and heart
despairing not, dear Starshine,
but being always of good cheer -
you are beautiful without effort!

So be like all hope is become;
walk like you're never forgot;
dance like you are truly alive;
sing like the world cares not;
smile like worries have an end;
laugh like each moment is free;
breathe like your prayer begun;
shine like you belonged forever!

By sweet surrender to the Light
be the gold of sunbeams sharp
against the darkness of the night
flying upon the wings of eagles
into the blue of an endless sky.
---<--@

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

- Norman Vincent Peale