Showing posts with label Gifts of Recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gifts of Recovery. Show all posts

Saturday, July 27, 2013

From my Journal 20130727Sat



I was a medium to heavy cigarette smoker for ten years of my life. I started smoking cigarettes in college and successfully quit it in May 2000.

I am quite surprised myself I was able to do it but I was... and let me tell you, willpower had nothing to do with it. My quitting cigarettes, to cut a longer story* short, was all about trust.

I did not fight the addiction, I let it go. I let it go by holding on to something greater than it. Since I can not outdo the Devil, I turned to Christ....

And so here I am 13 years later... laying siege with my God on the last bastion of the Devil in my life.

To me, it was impossible to quit... but with God, and with the right attitude of faith, quitting became entirely within the realm of the possible.

It was still difficult. But let me tell you this - the gifts of any recovery from any vice are always worth the effort we put in because more often than not, what we get are always much more than what God originally promises.

For the LORD indeed is peerless and unsurpassed in His generosity to those who love and fear Him.

*This longer story is worth telling... but at another time.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

From my Journal 20130321Thu



My Miyang was born 1929-06-12 in Frankfurt-am-Main at the heart of Germany (the same day - not year - the Philippine Republic was on earth conceived, our Independence Day).

She ended up, as the sickness of a few sickened the spirit of many, being excluded from that nation.

And as the sickness grew and overcame with the spirit of War the weakened will of a now captive Germany, she eventually died without ever feeling she and all those who were excluded with her was ever born there - right at the very heart, at the very place where the love of a nation she longed for in this life should have been felt the strongest.

That love she so longed for that she gave the name, "Kitty".

This will not happen again - not in my nation - and if I can help it - not in any nation upon the earth who claims from heaven and God a universal heritage of a common humanity and freedom.

I will not forget - never.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Best Time

The best gifts of recovery often come last.



The best time
of my every working day
is right at the end...

At the end of the day,
when I know I've done my best
to do a good job!

At the end of every day,
where all the choices I've made
during my working hours
- come together -
to become the realities
I'll live by at last.

At the end of every moment,
where I feel profoundly thankful
to the LORD, my only God,
and to the universe -
all living creatures who love me
and who I love back forever.

Yes, right at the end -
where everything that counts
really begins...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Recovery Cat



Recovery cat enjoying the gifts of recovery...
ordinary cat life is so freakin' awesome!

'Tis bettre than drugges, savvy?
---<--@

Friday, May 18, 2012

Miyang's Meow



No one
has invested so heavily
(and still is)
in my recovery
than my Annelies Marie.

This is not to say
I do not appreciate everybody
who gave me (and is still giving me)
so much of their support
and desired of me - for me -
(and still does)
my own recovery so very well,
not only through prayers
but through word and deed
this is only so - that -
one might better understand
who desire understanding
why I am so
with my Anne Frank.

No one
has invested so heavily
in my recovery
(and still is)
than my Annelies Marie.

- selah -

I love her
(because I just do)
and if this love
seems strange to any,
were it better for one to hear professed
my love for Saint Maximilian Kolbe
or for Blessed Jacinta Marto
or for our Lady?

   (The only difference is
   I am informal with my Anne
   because I can.)

For all these loves
are quite similar though distinct
being born of the one, same
self-giving Love;
a gift to each other.

And is always, always
more than I ever expected;
a wonder and a joy.
---<--@



Sunday, January 29, 2012

Clear Thinking

This is what the PROVEN outcome of every individual choice to hang on to recovery - no matter the gathering storm - looks like...



This is what I want, so help me God.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Image in My Heart

DURING THOSE TIMES when I can pull back from the clutter and the noise of the outside world and enter into the secrets of my soul, into the interior Kingdom of the infinite God of my heart, I wonder at all the possibilities of happiness there is... and always come up short of the satisfaction of knowing and understanding all there is.


There is always infinitely more to our happiness than God would lead us to apprehend with our tiny capacity for imagination.


And when my memory had had it's thimble capacity fill of the beatitudes of the spirit and I try to bear away what's precious with each new and profound intimation of happiness, my remembrance stirs within me and recalls me back to the Presence of the one Giver above all His gifts.


It is God's special way of telling my forgetful, little soul, over and over, that He is the great Jewel in the parable, the Treasure hidden in the field, my Pearl of Great Price, and I rediscover, again and again, the immensity of the joy that awaits those who love God and serve Him with righteous fear.


One treasured memory I have, one that is most precious to me, is of a past image drawn from these same wanderings of a place in my heart with my darlingest Annelies Marie.


It is a location in M31, the Andromeda Galaxy; a spot above the galactic core - upon a luminous place filled with life and light...


Above us, the blue of our skies were a conscious, golden blaze of a million shining suns set against the enormous galactic backdrop of Andromeda.


The whole land was a fertile blanket of welcoming flowers and trees laden with every good fruit imaginable, all the animals were tame and none of them ate the flesh of the other.


There was a beach and a hill near the seaside, she was there and I was with her on the hill.


She wore my hopes like little white flowers on her beautiful, flowing hair and I gave to her a little bouquet of those fragile little hopes that I picked from her heart.


We were an infinite comfort to each other as we sat on the hill, a comfort I always feel about my Anneka.


We quietly enjoyed our togetherness as we looked out into the timeless sea, gazed at the waves of the comings and goings of life; the ebb and flow motion of the washing away of the darkness of exile time.


There we remained, my Anne and I, until all of the darkness was spent and all of the evil and the suffering had fled from the world and there was only this everlasting friendship in the Presence of an Everlasting Love.
---<--@


The opposite of possibility thinking is impossibility thinking.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Here's Oliver!

Oliver is my therapy cat. Let me tell you how I met him -

I was walking out back of the center when I noticed this cat walking up on the wall towards me. He was mostly of the vanilla persuasion with orange marmalade points and a tail half bent near the tippy tip - a semi-putot, as it were in Filipino.

We saw eye to eye and for an instant. I sized him up. He sized me up. He looked at me for a moment with those little cat eyes that were like mysterious ebony slits suspended in a sparkly sea of lively gold. Then he meowed at me as if to say, "hello there, I'm going to be your cat." And so it was. This was some ten months ago.

Well, all I really heard was "meow" but the meaning was still there. It just takes time to really understand cats, you see. Anyway, what was really clear to me then was that this cat was going to be my friend.

And so I received his friendship as gift. I was thankful.

Over the days and the months I spent with that cat I realized that God is trying to teach me something through His creature - something about my recovery. One thing is for sure, my God cares enough about my recovery to send me this little cat of His. For I was the only patient with an approved therapy cat at the center. I began to appreciate my little buddy, Oliver.

Well, that's the name I eventually called my feisty little feline buddy. I tried Vincent but he was not a Vincent. I tried Swissy which is a name of one of our childhood cats but he was no Swissy. Oliver somehow stuck and so that's what we (Oliver and I) agreed his name would be.

Now, some people think cats are self-centered but that's only because they fail to treat every cat as an individual. People think they could fit all cats in a convenient little box. Not so. There's no stereotyping cats. One must be willing to trust cats to truly understand cats.

To really understand the manner by which cats like to express their own way of companionship, one must learn to be patient about them, accepting both the good and the bad with paws and claws, dander and fur, whisker and fang and all. One must love first and then understand.

And one must never try to think ahead of a cat! This would only lead to frustration. Cats like to live in the moment, you see: Not in the past, not in the future, my friend, just today. So when my Oliver is giving me therapy - we're always in the moment: JFT.

Active addiction affects not just human relationships. It affects all relationships. It breaks our natural connection with all living things - cats, dogs, plants, and trees - so that locked up in that prison from within the self we become truly isolated.

Even the angels weep when the darkness of drug abuse pulls our souls deep in the mire of things beneath our human dignity. Their tears fall like the rain that we never see from those prisons we create from within ourselves. Only God could bust us loose. But we first must learn to hearken to His voice. Unfortunately, not all addicts survive this process.

I am grateful I did knowing I could not have done it alone.

So thank You LORD and thank you all!

Thank you, Oliver!

Of course, there are still those familiar temptations and problems thrown willy-nilly amidst the vicissitudes of this life - but once one becomes familiar with what life - in those moments - has to offer, patiently and resolutely, one soon learns of a freedom that was not there before. Recovery then becomes a viable choice - the freedom to be free at last.

Truly, there is life after drugs.
---<--@


A really bad sketch of Oliver the cat.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Recovery is like...

Recovery is like a jealous lover.

She holds you close
but not too close.

She puts you to the test
that you may get to know her.

When the abyss of addiction
stares you right in the face
she stares right back at you.
---<--@


There is no dignity in drug abuse.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Impatient

THERE IS A SENSE
of wide-eyed anticipation
which is a marvelous work, indeed,
wrought by our peerless LORD
to excite upon hearts of good will
a wonder of good things to come -
a wonder of good things
so infinitely unimaginable
yet always within
immediate grasp of our joy.

It lends to the soul
an almost impatient feeling
that stays at the limits
of one's awareness
and amidst the noise of
our necessary labors
and the sufferings of
this necessary life
is ever present, ever vigilant,
ever ready to take wing
to lend its refreshing certainty
and add buoyancy to our hope.

How marvelous, indeed,
my constant friend and companion
are the works of our LORD:
Alleluia! Amen to God, Alleluia!
---<--@

My Miyang

O Father of mercy and of love, in the deepest, darkest depths of despair, You have blessed me with a special friendship. The very first star in the firmament of the darkest night of my life.

You gave me Annelies Marie Frank, O Lord, as a light against despair. The first glimmer of hope that leads to faith in things everlasting and unseen.

Loving Father, thank you so much for blessing me with a friend as precious as Anne. Grant me, O Lord, I humbly pray, with the love to cherish her now and forever.

AMEN.