Surrender to Providence

IF
I do not yet possess it,
it means possessing it would only harm
my person, my good,
and my God.

IF
I do not yet have it,
it means having it would only prevent me
from being simple, happy,
and free.

So
I count my blessings
and revel in what I have
in hand and in heart
knowing that I am
and that the LORD is
- and that is all!

I am reminded.
I am content.
I am glad!

O Father of my heart,
let me always live by Thy hand -
and persevere.

Afraid of Father

I am afraid of Father.
For I fall short of Father's expectations.
I am so wanting in the strength of His sons.

But whenever I am afraid of Father.
My Jesus comes to remind me not to fear
for He has won for me all
that I will ever need
to come Home with honor
to our Father.

A thousand times, I fail
and a thousand times my Savior comes to me
to save me from the ruin of my sins
until I am brave enough to walk
until I am no longer afraid of Father
and I understand He and the Father are one.
---<--@

Have I ever failed you?

Commitment. Commitment. Commitment.



Whenever the Lord Christ asks me, 

"have I ever failed you"?

The answer always is,

"no, my Lord Jesus, You never have".

Repeatedly,
this question bears for me the same answer
- over and over - by and by -
until I understand the truth that God is seeking 
to restore in my little soul - 
God never fails!

O my heart,
God never fails!

Fear the LORD then
- O my soul -
for thy God is able to save
and He knows the time and the manner
by which thou art to gain
His Salvation.

---<--@

Father Dennis, our beloved parish priest, 

points to the Relic of the True Cross of Christ 

enshrined in our Shrine of the Five Wounds of Jesus Christ.

The safe pasture of the Good Shepherd
is in every Holy Mass - so tara na, Misa na! 

Seal of the Stigmatines

My Personal Peace Process

The journey of a thousand years begins with just one day - and that day is today.

My recovery is part of my personal peace process.

This is important to me because without this personal peace process, I wouldn't be able to fully complement the national peace process.

My Jesus once manifested to me in my little life that He would give me a million reasons to serve and that He would also show me only one reason not to serve.

It is only now, years later, that I am better able to understand what I need to accept and what I need to leave behind; what needs to die so that I could live in His Love and keep all my friends by remaining with my LORD and my most beneficent God - forever.

2012 is going to be a journey for me and this personal journey of mine shall run parallel to the journeys we are all - as one Country - committing ourselves to take together - alone.

This is my straight path.

And it shall stand on four pillars:

1. Loyalty to Christ and His Church

2. Loyalty to the Peace of my Republic

3. Loyalty to my own true self

4. Loyalty to my family and friends

Kaya para sa lahat ng mga kapatid ko sa pagbabago - tara na, sabay sabay na - wala nang ibang panahon kung hindi Ngayon.

May we all be blessed by the LORD with a braver, better 2012, mabuhay!

God Encompassing God

O LORD,

God encompassing God,

God encompassing All in Thyself!

O LORD,

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit -

Blessed Unity,

Holy Trinity,

Perfect Company!

O LORD,

there is none but Thee,

there is none like Thee!

O LORD,

Thou art from everlasting to everlasting -

in Thee All draw their being,

in Thee All draw their living life,

in Thee there is no shadow of turning,

in Thee there is neither darkness nor Night,

in Thee there is joy, abundance and peace,

in Thee there is only love and the Light!

O LORD,

Thou desire salvation for all beings

to Whom shall all needful souls turn to,

my God, but to Thee?

O LORD,

Thou art the one Sovereign of all nations

unto Whom shall Thy exile peoples return to,

my God, but unto Thee?

Abide in us, O LORD, be with us!

Be the God of our lives, our families,

and our national communities!

O Goal of all my goals,

I love, I trust, and I adore Thee!

---<--@

Our God, O my beloved of my heart, is a God of relationships - One, Triune Perfection!

Foundling

Before You, O Christ,
I knew only darkness!
I was a child of the void
destined for destruction.
Until Your Spirit came
I knew no peace, my God.

But You came to me
to make me anew...
I do not understand, LORD,
but You came to me.

And as Thy Love hovered

over the waters of my heart
to calm the raging storm
I began to see... myself.

And so I say -

O LORD,

I adore You

and I bless You!

There is no other but You!

There is no other like You!

Father in heaven, I love You,

I have no Father but You!

Thank You for sending me

Your only begotten Son,

Jesus Christ, my Savior,

to save me and the world

from sin and destruction.

O Incarnate Word of God,

I adore You

and I bless You!

Lord Jesus, I love You!

I have no other Savior but You.

Thank You for everything!

Through Thy life, Thy works,

Thy Passion, and Holy Cross

Thy death and Resurrection,

You have made me Yours,

O Christ, so here I am,

I am Yours.

Thank You O Father in heaven,

and Thank You, Lord Jesus Christ,

for sending me Thy Holy Spirit

as a Comfort to my little soul.

O Holy Spirit of the LORD,

You lead me unto all Truth,

Your gentle Illumination

is a warmth to my heart

and a light for my faith.

O Lord and Giver of Life,

for all Thy works of inspiration,

I thank You.

O Holy Spirit,

Soul of my soul,

I adore You, I love You

and I bless You!

I am but a foundling, LORD,

I am nothing without You.

---<--@

Image in My Heart

DURING THOSE TIMES when I can pull back from the clutter and the noise of the outside world and enter into the secrets of my soul, into the interior Kingdom of the infinite God of my heart, I wonder at all the possibilities of happiness there is... and always come up short of the satisfaction of knowing and understanding all there is.

There is always infinitely more to our happiness than God would lead us to apprehend with our tiny capacity for imagination.

And when my memory had had it's thimble capacity fill of the beatitudes of the spirit and I try to bear away what's precious with each new and profound intimation of happiness, my remembrance stirs within me and recalls me back to the Presence of the one Giver above all His gifts.

It is God's special way of telling my forgetful, little soul, over and over, that He is the great Jewel in the parable, the Treasure hidden in the field, my Pearl of Great Price, and I rediscover, again and again, the immensity of the joy that awaits those who love God and serve Him with righteous fear.

One treasured memory I have, one that is most precious to me, is of a past image drawn from these same wanderings of a place in my heart with my darlingest Annelies Marie.

It is a location in M31, the Andromeda Galaxy; a spot above the galactic core - upon a luminous place filled with life and light...

Above us, the blue of our skies were a conscious, golden blaze of a million shining suns set against the enormous galactic backdrop of Andromeda.

The whole land was a fertile blanket of welcoming flowers and trees laden with every good fruit imaginable, all the animals were tame and none of them ate the flesh of the other.

There was a beach and a hill near the seaside, she was there and I was with her on the hill.

She wore my hopes like little white flowers on her beautiful, flowing hair and I gave to her a little bouquet of those fragile little hopes that I picked from her heart.

We were an infinite comfort to each other as we sat on the hill, a comfort I always feel about my Anneka.

We quietly enjoyed our togetherness as we looked out into the timeless sea, gazed at the waves of the comings and goings of life; the ebb and flow motion of the washing away of the darkness of exile time.

There we remained, my Anne and I, until all of the darkness was spent and all of the evil and the suffering had fled from the world and there was only this everlasting friendship in the Presence of an Everlasting Love.

---<--@

The opposite of possibility thinking is impossibility thinking.

Create in Me

CREATE IN ME a clean heart, O Lord.
Cleanse my soul from the stain of sin.
And give my life new shape, my Jesus.
Give my soul new meaning, a new song.

Abide with me, my Jesus, remain in me -
Help me abide with You, remain in You.
Then lead me O kindly Light, lead me on.

Through fields of battle and strife of soul;
beyond vast empty deserts of my heart;
above the darkness that consume my mind;
through the tears, my Most Holy Redeemer,

through all life's pain and sorrow, lead me on,
across oceans of mercy and into Your arms.

You loved me, O Love, and I knew You not.
O Holy Savior, the darkness consumed me!
I was blind to see the Beauty of Your Face.

Forgive me, my Jesus, please forgive me.
For I was dead to all things living in Thee.
I lived in the darkness and I knew it not.
You called me and I awoke to Your Light.
Now, I am a wretch, my most loving Jesus.
I am mired between Your world and mine.
A miserable sinner yet in love with his sins.

I struggle to follow You yet my soul is caught -
between tides of darkness and of Your Light.
'Tis my sweetest calamity to love You, my All!
You are the Light that beckon me ever onward -
Abounding in power at the approach of darkness.
Your grace to rouse my heart when evil is near -
that peril that consume my soul with holy fear.

O Silence that fills my heart with consolation -
O Love that was afflicted for our salvation!
Lord, you are my strength when I am weakest;
the courage that inflame my hope with daring,
the daring to be what You truly want me be -
as the great Knight of the Immaculata said:
"A saint and not just a saint but a great saint!"
So deliver me, O Lord, please be merciful to me.

For You are the hope and You are the daring.

Late have I found You, 'tis late that I have risen -
to Your promise of things new and everlasting!
You loved me, O Love, You lived in my heart.
And You let me taste Your everliving waters.
Now my soul pines for You, 'tis in love with You!
Beauty beyond me, living in me, all around me:
O Father Who transcend me, yet so near me.
Savior looking down on me, sitting beside me.
Holy Spirit dwelling in me, alive to my reality.
O Holy Trinity: One, true God, in Persons three!
My heart is hungry for Your acceptance of me.

I desire the joyous company of Your Holy Saints -
Saint Maximilan, Saint Lorenzo, Blessed Jacinta,

my Annelies Marie Frank and all Your Holy Souls,
all those who love me and all whom I love in You -
Holy Michael, archangel and patron of my family,
Caritas, my Angel dear, all the Holy Angels of God,
Our dearest Mother Mary, the Queen of my heart,
above all, You, my Jesus, my Lord and my God!

In Your most sweetest embrace, I will dwell, my All:
"well done, good and faithful servant, well done."

So deliver me, my Jesus, from this dark twilight.
Lead me into the morning of my new life with You -
and I will give you my life, O God of my heart!

A contrite and humbled heart you will not spurn!
It is out of love of You, my most loving Jesus!
It is out of love of You, said my Blessed Jacinta!
It is out of love of You, my All, so please help me!
It is out of love of You, O Savior, come save me!
It is out of love of You, O my Jesus, set me free!

O my God, make haste to help me, I humbly pray:
Give me a new life and a new song to sing to You -

A clean heart create in me, O God,

a steadfast spirit renew within me.

And I will sing forever of Your Love and Your Light.
I will carry Your Light into the deepest of darkness.
I will advance Your Love into the poorest of hearts.
I will carry my cross with You until my life is spent.
I will live my life to serve You, giving all to my All!

O my Jesus, hear me, and deliver me, for I am Yours.
Through the Mother to the Son, all that I am is Yours.
You are my everything, my All, and I am but nothing!
Come, Lord Jesus, come, become for me my Everything!
O Holy Savior, save me, set me free: For I am all Yours.
O God, a contrite and humbled heart you will not spurn!

(All to my All, 20080113)

Addiction.

Endless Blue Sky Sunshine

Live your truth responsibly!

Speak it like you mean it.

Share it like you love it.

Keep it like you really care,

gripping it not with your hands,
but embracing it with your heart.

Nurture it as if it were yours
knowing always to be thankful
to the one God of Whose Reality
is the one Truelight you reflect;
the one LORD by Whose desire
you are called to become you.

So strive with courage and heart
despairing not, dear Starshine,
but being always of good cheer -
you are beautiful without effort!

So be like all hope is become;
walk like you're never forgot;
dance like you are truly alive;
sing like the world cares not;
smile like worries have an end;
laugh like each moment is free;
breathe like your prayer begun;
shine like you belonged forever!

By sweet surrender to the Light
be the gold of sunbeams sharp
against the darkness of the night
flying upon the wings of eagles
into the blue of an endless sky.
---<--@

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

- Norman Vincent Peale

Peerless

O LORD!

Thou art One -
Peerless and Inaccessible.

Thou art Being -

Infinite in Perfection.

Thou art Beauty -

Unsurpassed in Wisdom.

Thou art Good -

Wondrous in Power and Might.

Thou art Strength -

Ready and Able to Save.

Thou art Will -

The Fullness of Compassion.

Thou art the Truth -

Thou art God,

Thou art God,

Thou art God,

Irresistible is the Sound of Thy Name

who can withstand Thee?
---<--@

"This is my Name forever

the Name you shall call Me

from generation to generation."

Impatient

THERE IS A SENSE
of wide-eyed anticipation
which is a marvelous work, indeed,
wrought by our peerless LORD
to excite upon hearts of good will
a wonder of good things to come -
a wonder of good things
so infinitely unimaginable
yet always within
immediate grasp of our joy.

It lends to the soul
an almost impatient feeling
that stays at the limits
of one's awareness
and amidst the noise of
our necessary labors
and the sufferings of
this necessary life
is ever present, ever vigilant,
ever ready to take wing
to lend its refreshing certainty
and add buoyancy to our hope.

How marvelous, indeed,
my constant friend and companion
are the works of our LORD:
Alleluia! Amen to God, Alleluia!

---<--@

My Miyang

O Father of mercy and of love, in the deepest, darkest depths of despair, You have blessed me with a special friendship. The very first star in the firmament of the darkest night of my life.

You gave me Annelies Marie Frank, O Lord, as a light against despair. The first glimmer of hope that leads to faith in things everlasting and unseen.

Loving Father, thank you so much for blessing me with a friend as precious as Anne. Grant me, O Lord, I humbly pray, with the love to cherish her now and forever.

AMEN.

Dreamer of Dreams

I am a dreamer of dreams,
a collector of memories!

Adrift in wonder, I am.
Asleep in time, I am.

I am from my dreaming
awaiting the one Dreamer
to awaken the dream in me:

"Where art thou,
O my dream?"

"Here I am, Lord."

"I am here, My beloved."

"I am Home."

---<--@


Life consists of cherished moments;
moments enriched by treasures
neither thief nor tyrant can take away;
moments that can not be measured
by hours, minutes, or seconds.

Alter Christus

O my Jesus, my Everything, my All!
My Lord and my God,
my Savior, my King, my Brother, my Friend.
Thou art my All, my Everything!
My Way, my Truth and my Life.

O my Jesus, Son of the living God and Son of Mary, lead me!
Lead me away from all that is not Thee.
Thou art my Light, my Joy and my Salvation!

O most loving Jesus, hear me: Have mercy on me, a sinner!
Take me, O Lord, take me far away from myself.
Hold me close, O Christ, into Thyself -
Into Thy Afflicted Heart, O Love, embrace me.
Immolate all my love and burning zeal for Thee.

Banish all my fears, consume all my sorrow!
Suffer with me the pain of becoming alive
and weep with me an ocean of Thy mercy
until all the darkness is gone and I am no more.
And only Thou, O glorious God, remain in me.

AMEN.

and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8: 32

Lead me, Lord Jesus to where I end and You begin and all these things shall fall into place behind Thee, my God and my All.

20101018

Fending Off Loneliness

Loneliness is quite different from being alone.

I know that it is. And I understand it from a deeper level. Because with God alone, I truly am never alone: My belief in a Higher Power says so and my faith in my God accepts it as truth in my life.

For the LORD, my God, is not a solitary God but as a King rules all things, seen and unseen, without division.

Nevertheless, fending off feelings of loneliness remain difficult for me. The difference nowadays is I don't go into depression and despair of my life. I have a goal of life-long recovery and I know now to keep that goal ahead of my road.

I imagine the years active addiction took away from my promise and thought it was not enough to put me down. God held me back from destroying myself. I still have some good in me.

I never used to have any confidence whatsoever that I could recover from active addiction. But these days I do. God gave me a will of recovery.

I have tasted the maddening darkness behind me and I didn't like it; have felt the hurt of drug addiction; have known the helplessness of it all. I know I have to face life on its own terms but looking forward not back.

It's hard being single during these times. But then again, I am single not alone. It's the truth. I can not look back at what the past took from me. I must remain in the now and live the promise of my recovery a day at a time.

Loneliness is a feeling and like all feelings, it rises and falls. This too shall pass.

When feelings of loneliness sets in, I shall hold on to what is true in my life. I shall take comfort in the strength of my relationships with my family, friends, and above all, in my God Who is the singular source of all my relationships.

I know and I trust He will prosper them all into full fruition each at their own time according to His will of good for me.

The LORD makes all things whole.

The LORD makes all things one.

For God is a God of relationships.

Will of the Wanderer

With every life, there is a longing
and within each heart, it is felt,
because there is within each soul,
an absence, mysterious and sublime -
like a truth, cloaked in questions,
like a desire within a desire.

In an unfamiliar, uncaring earth,
amidst the wilderness of this world,
it draws us near to familiar things.

Under unknowing, unfeeling skies,
among empty shells of broken dreams,
it knowingly leads us along safe paths.

With every dawning, it recalls us;
for our labors, it rewards us;
when we are at rest, it reminds us;
during mealtimes, it welcomes us;
when we are at play, it guards us;
with every prayer, it blesses us;
with every good, it leads us;
when we repent, it teaches us;
when we forgive, it forgives us;
when we grieve, it consoles us;
when we rejoice, it hears us;
when we sleep, it renews us;
when we fail, it tempers us;
when we forget, it remembers us;
when we succeed, it preserves us;
when we seek, it find us;
at every trial, it fortifies us;
from all evil, it delivers us;
at all times, it keeps us;
throughout our days, it sustains us;
and in eternity, it recognizes us -
for by our names, it knows us.

It is that which stirs from within,
that which calls us to remembrance
that which in stillness is stillness sought
that which loves our needful mankind
that which completes, makes whole
that which deeply yearns -
for the absent heart of humanity.

Bereft of answers, lacking in truth
forlorn of strength, exiles to destiny -
where there is a seeking for solace:
It remind us of our life's purpose;
an awakening that patiently waits
in the abode of the true self -
like the quiet to calm the storm.

It is the peace at every journey's end,
the Heart at the heart of all creation,
calling the wandering will back home.
---<--@

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

A Friend Like You

I wish, my Jesus, to be

the friend that You see in me

to be constant, O Lord, to be true,

to be a friend, my God,

a Friend like You.

---<--@

Only You, O LORD, completes me.

20101005

Why?

I once asked God in prayer why can't He just make things all better for me.

I asked God why must I have to put up with all these seemingly persistent, never-ending frustrations and difficulties of my recovery.

Why can't He make things better for me?

For recovery takes hard work. It's not just about quitting drugs - that's really just the surface appearance of things...

To the newbie recovering addict or to the uninitiated, it might seem like a very simple thing to ask an addict to make the choice to quit or to just continue on using.

But recovery is deeper than it looks.

Recovery is initially all about making that big, life-defining choice to quit using. Because the first choice is the wrong choice and everything else is the choice of the addiction. This initial choice is almost always forced upon an addict when he or she "bottoms out".

But the real work of recovery begins after that initial choice to quit using. Because what constitutes the real work of recovery is about making those little everyday decisions that allow me to uproot bad behavior and strengthen good ones; choices that seem invisible to the rest of the world.

Recovery both implicitly as well as explicitly requires that necessary exercise of virtue and the art of its grace. Because the essence of recovery is really all about re-learning to live my life aright once again - slowly but surely - without the use of drugs or the inclination to seek the false "high" of drugs.

And this takes hard work indeed - vigilant, anonymous work.

So I asked God one day and He replied to me - "my dearest child, if I take away your choices, then you would cease to be you, and it is you that I love and nothing else but."

Recovery is all about freedom. If God takes away that freedom, what's the point?

And it's not like I have no help in my recovery -

I have the help of my brothers and sisters-in-recovery within the fellowship of NA and in the DDB-EU TRC institution. I have family, and friends.

Above all, I have God, my dearest LORD, Who loves me more than I can ever love myself.

I just have to remain vigilant in my heart of hearts. I just have to know what and who I must love above all. And trust that that's no longer drugs.

As long as I am certain of this, I know by the grace of God, I shall continue on recovering.

Recovery is an ascent to freedom.

=^.^=

O Unspeakable Beauty

O UNSPEAKABLE BEAUTY that surrounds, penetrates and transcends into eternity, O Beauty that shines forever brightly, ever here and ever there, ever always present in places sacred to Thy holy remembrance, in places found within the soul of every creature in need of Thee.

Arise in me and cure me of my deformity, my perversity, my ugliness, my constant rebellion.

Though I weep with guilt and shame at every thought of Thee, though I should recede back into the darkness where I truly belong, Thou has seen into my soul and my soul has caught a glimpse of Thee!

O what can a mere creature do at the hint of Thee, O unspeakable Beauty?

By Thy own Truth, Thou hast enraptured my heart and now I am madly in love with Thee.

I reject all that is not Thee!

Ever in spite of me, I constantly long for Thee, I thirst and I hunger for Thee.

O Beauty, Thou art Beautiful for Thy being Beautiful, who can resist Thee?

Bless me, convince me, lead me on and fulfill what Thou sees as Thy reflection in me. Become the fullness of Thy own image and likeness that Thou has imparted in me, and lose me forever into the depths of Thy Being.

Make use of me and recreate me into an instrument of Thy holy creation and a servant to all Thy beautiful works of divine artistry.

O wonderful God, O wonderful God! O what majesty! O what glory! O what Beauty! Thou art truly Beautiful for Thy being Beautiful. Arise in the hearts of all Thy servants, arise in our poor world, that we may learn to see what is beautiful for being beheld by Thee.

Abide in us, O dearest LORD and Love of my love, spread upon our souls Thine infinite horizons and become for each one of us as the breaking of the new dawn from on high.

AMEN.

I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine.

All

O LORD,
Thou art God
and that is all.

In my absence,
Thou art present.

In my sickness,
Thou art health.

In my weakness,
Thou art strength.

In my folly,
Thou art wisdom.

In my ignorance
Thou art knowledge.

In my dullness,
Thou art discernment.

In my bondage,
Thou art salvation.

In my blindness,
Thou art true sight.

In my darkness,
Thou art true light.

O LORD,
Thou art God
and that is all!
---<--@

The LORD Himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still.

Exodus 14: 14