Tricky Angel

Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful.



"Make peace with your addiction, 
find a place for it in your life, you can do it!
Everybody does it, it's harmless, no one will mind...",
the strange impulse said to my innermost self.

I struggle for answers like Peter sinking in the water.
Many a times I gave in to the temptation and drowned.

But if I held firm, if I stay put, if I trust and not panic...
something else comes to me... in many different guises,
in persons - mine and others, events, places, creatures, things,
above all - through Eucharistic bread and wine - my Savior,
my blessed Savior, my Jesus comes and finds me!

"No, my Jesus will! He will mind. For I am of His flock.
How will I explain this (in confession and in the communion of prayer)
to my most loving God and Giver of all good things in my little life
if I place upon His Throne in my heart a pretender to my love
such as you - Tricky Angel?", I thought to myself.

- selah -

Tricky Angel,
I know you and I know your tricks.

I know you from your mouth - laden with lies,
your tricks from the rottenness of its fruits.

I understand you not and desire of you
no understanding whatsoever.

In the Name of my most blessed Lord Jesus Christ,
highly to be adored and praised, my Savior, my God,
exalted above all the heavens and across all the earth,
by His Blood, by His Wounds, by His Passion, and Cross -
I command you to leave, begone from me!

I choose Jesus.

Breaking the Cycle of Pain and Loss

This month
is my crossroad moment,
it has finally come.

It's time for me
to take the path that leads
to my own tomorrow.

I'm nervous-excited. 

I'm always this way
when there's a challenge
that needs overcoming...

No other walker of worlds
can walk the way
God had prepared for me
but me.

But no walker
can walk the way
God had prepared for him or her
without the love and the strength
of other walkers on the way.

So to my family and friends,
I thank you now and for always
for your love and support.

You can rest assured
you will also always have mine.

I will, as usual -
make a record of the journey,
and mark a path on the way.

God bless us all.
---<--@


No serenity without suffering, no freedom without choice.

Recovery is like...

Recovery is like a jealous lover.

She holds you close

but not too close.

She puts you to the test

that you may get to know her.

When the abyss of addiction

stares you right in the face

she stares right back at you.

---<--@

There is no dignity in drug abuse.

20100905

Reservations

Some recovering addicts I know say and think "reservation" like it were a hotel reservation.

"What's up with that?", I'd say to myself: Reservation is a thing tucked neatly right at the very corner of the mind that says I shall relapse if this and that happens to me.

It has nothing to do with space and has everything to do with time. It is not a where but a when.

At one NA meeting, I tried to save a seat for a buddy of mine once and was told I had reservations. What's up with that?

It is a very good thing to clear the mind of reservations.

But to do this, one must exert a certain amount of concentration to determine for one's self what a reservation really is and then invest some time in meditation to find out if one has any.

A good relapse prevention plan should always involve this as an exercise in prudence.

That's my own take on the matter.

RECOVERY MEANS: I never have to use again.