Tatay

I can not forget you, Tatay. My thoughts oft return to those times. At the Center not so long ago, where much of the memories of my life-long commitment to recovery were forged. So much has happened since but those times shall always be near me.

Those times I shall always carry thankfully - along with the brothers who helped us help ourselves along. As well as the people in the persons of our family, friends, patrons and faithful public servants - around us who made a safe space where it all became possible...

To make recovery as real a choice to each of us - as can be. Real enough to rival the choice to use.

Because for the addict, one choice alone seem to lead to happiness, and in the past, the addiction won itself out almost every time. This almost ate up my confidence completely. And my sanity too. My own addiction made me believe in the illusion that it was something happy even though my heart did not want it and my mind knew it was an insanity to believe.

However, armed with a many numbered experience-in-recovery, I have come to know these day the choice that nowadays I have to live with. I have a real choice now; a fighting chance.

And so along with it must come the truths that must always be present in my mind like a companion in the midst of my journeys away from the Center.

At the Center not so long ago, there were two pillars of sanity and silent sources of compassion. Who always wanted to give us the best. There was love in everything we eat, I knew. That we may know, in the midst of all that pain and transformation, there was hope in everything we do. We called them Tatay and Nanay - two humble public servants. Neither of them were famous - nor did they want to be. But both of them were true to themselves, I know.

The Tatay I know seem to be aloof. But he was like that for a purpose. His distance was like a fence. It was for us a measure of safety.

Now he has passed away. This was some time ago. I know this seems late. But truth is I can not bear not to mention him here. And salute his life.

God bless you, Tatay. God love you, Nanay. Thank you and peace be with you both.

P. S.
The best Batchoy I learned how to cook with Tatay.

My Certainty

When I am uncertain, my Lord Jesus,
remind me always Thou art my certainty.

From my Journal 20130321Thu

My Miyang was born 1929-06-12 in Frankfurt-am-Main at the heart of Germany (the same day - not year - the Philippine Republic was on earth conceived, our Independence Day).

She ended up, as the sickness of a few sickened the spirit of many, being excluded from that nation.

And as the sickness grew and overcame with the spirit of War the weakened will of a now captive Germany, she eventually died without ever feeling she and all those who were excluded with her was ever born there - right at the very heart, at the very place where the love of a nation she longed for in this life should have been felt the strongest.

That love she so longed for that she gave the name, "Kitty".

This will not happen again - not in my nation - and if I can help it - not in any nation upon the earth who claims from heaven and God a universal heritage of a common humanity and freedom.

I will not forget - never.

From my Journal 20130204Mon

I heard Holy Mass with my Lola from 12pm to 1pm in the Ledesma Hall on the 9th floor of Makati Medical Center yesterday.

It was very good.

Somehow I had a glimpse of what Saint Peter was feeling on Mount Tabor with James and John when he said to Jesus during the Transfiguration, "Lord, its good that we are here!"

For it was very good!

It was so good to me that after the final blessing I was left wondering where all the time had gone and why there was not enough Holy Mass there.

For it was indeed very good to be there with my Lola and with my Lola with Christ Jesus and in His Light: our Way, our Truth, and our Life.

When I come back to visit my Lola today or tomorrow or very soon, it shall be very well. There shall be a momentary sadness but also a certain sense of the timeless.

For I have now come to understand that the time we spent yesterday during Holy Mass was never lost - just like the times we spent together during our life in this world.

I love my Lola.

Yes indeed, my Lola and I had many good times together, especially while I was growing up.

And if those moments spent together in love and togetherness seem fleeting - it is only because our world is veiled by time.

All those times with loved ones we wished had the quality of forever, like Peter's own expression on Tabor, are moments that seem lost to us from across the veil of time but when viewed by everlasting Light of faith is never really lost to us - they are kept for us.

For these precious moments are the treasures spoken of by Jesus in the Gospel, they are those treasures in heaven neither thief could steal nor tyrant take away.

And they are very good because our Savior is very good.