Tatay

I can not forget you, Tatay. My thoughts oft return to those times. At the Center not so long ago, where much of the memories of my life-long commitment to recovery were forged. So much has happened since but those times shall always be near me.

Those times I shall always carry thankfully - along with the brothers who helped us help ourselves along. As well as the people in the persons of our family, friends, patrons and faithful public servants - around us who made a safe space where it all became possible...

To make recovery as real a choice to each of us - as can be. Real enough to rival the choice to use.

Because for the addict, one choice alone seem to lead to happiness, and in the past, the addiction won itself out almost every time. This almost ate up my confidence completely. And my sanity too. My own addiction made me believe in the illusion that it was something happy even though my heart did not want it and my mind knew it was an insanity to believe.

However, armed with a many numbered experience-in-recovery, I have come to know these day the choice that nowadays I have to live with. I have a real choice now; a fighting chance.

And so along with it must come the truths that must always be present in my mind like a companion in the midst of my journeys away from the Center.

At the Center not so long ago, there were two pillars of sanity and silent sources of compassion. Who always wanted to give us the best. There was love in everything we eat, I knew. That we may know, in the midst of all that pain and transformation, there was hope in everything we do. We called them Tatay and Nanay - two humble public servants. Neither of them were famous - nor did they want to be. But both of them were true to themselves, I know.

The Tatay I know seem to be aloof. But he was like that for a purpose. His distance was like a fence. It was for us a measure of safety.

Now he has passed away. This was some time ago. I know this seems late. But truth is I can not bear not to mention him here. And salute his life.

God bless you, Tatay. God love you, Nanay. Thank you and peace be with you both.

P. S.
The best Batchoy I learned how to cook with Tatay.

TGIF Prayer

Lord Jesus, my thoughtful Savior
Who gently and lovingly brought me through another working week,
and blessed my humble efforts with meaningful success,
seeing me through each day with great patience and much virtue,
here I stand with Thee now - yet again - at the threshold of another weekend
caught in the realization that I have no right to ruin this moment for You.

So hear me say,

"I thank You and I love You
and I offer to You all of this weekend,
to make of it as You will.

Amen.

Starlight Smile

My Miyang never fails to brighten my spirit.

Problems may be many, time few, and resources even more scarce - but moments framed in darkness when they are visited by starlight never fail to amaze me.

For when hope seem lost, hope is found and despair is vanquished. Life remains difficult but then again, if life weren't - how can joy also be our companion?


My Anne and her starlight smile...

Just a little ditty...

There was a little town of Gullbarton
whose cats liked to run a marathon
but they neglected to state the case
their own mayor rigged every race,
the venue was switched to Torbiton!



Torbiton... now that's a smart name
for a pretty, purrrty town.

The moral: Cats hate cheats.

My Certainty

When I am uncertain, my Lord Jesus,
remind me always Thou art my certainty.

From my Journal 20130818Sun

During Holy Communion at Anticipated Mass yesterday, I was asked by one of our senior lay ministers in the EMHC to go up to the church loft to offer the Eucharist to our choir, which I obeyed even whilst in doubt because the rite was almost concluding.

A part of me was saying that the choir would have already gone down, a few at a time, to receive Communion during the length of the Communion Rite but a part of me, a stronger part, felt impelled to just go and do what was asked without questioning it (maybe because the most instinctive and unthinking part of me knew that sharing the Savior in the Eucharist is ALWAYS a good thing) and so I went and climbed what felt like a long climb to the church loft.

There I met our beautiful and talented choir, and it instantly dawned upon my mind how deeply Christ loves our young people...

and it suddenly felt profoundly good to be there... 

I felt my heart rejoicing like Saint Peter in the Transfiguration saying, "Lord, it is good that I am here!"

- selah -

We are a beautiful and amazing people, the love we profess in our hearts as a nation is capable of great and wonderful things, and I know no matter the depths of the darkness we confront in our times today, we shall in God as one nation prevail... unto better times for all.

Jesus Said

Jesus said, 

My son, in the midst of thy temptations... remember how I suffer with you.

Your temptations are measured by moments. Every one of them, from the least to the most fearsome, are numbered, all of them vicious and unkind, all of them as fleeting as each thy days upon the earth.

But I, my son, I will remain with you forever.