From my Journal 20130727Sat

I was a medium to heavy cigarette smoker for ten years of my life. I started smoking cigarettes in college and successfully quit it in May 2000.

I am quite surprised myself I was able to do it but I was... and let me tell you, willpower had nothing to do with it. My quitting cigarettes, to cut a longer story* short, was all about trust.

I did not fight the addiction, I let it go. I let it go by holding on to something greater than it. Since I can not outdo the Devil, I turned to Christ....

And so here I am 13 years later... laying siege with my God on the last bastion of the Devil in my life.

To me, it was impossible to quit... but with God, and with the right attitude of faith, quitting became entirely within the realm of the possible.

It was still difficult. But let me tell you this - the gifts of any recovery from any vice are always worth the effort we put in because more often than not, what we get are always much more than what God originally promises.

For the LORD indeed is peerless and unsurpassed in His generosity to those who love and fear Him.

*This longer story is worth telling... but at another time.

From my Journal 20130725Thu

I have an abiding respect for the people I work with, and feel fortunate to be with all sorts of people... in that environment I have learned to deepen the truth about the saying, "do not judge a book by its cover".

Every seasoned traveler in this journey of life knows what makes each of us unique can not be seen by the unaided eye. Only a fool will sum up the being of a person by mere appearance or sound.

We can not for long pretend to know the warmth and comfort of a welcome hearth from the outside without succumbing to the chill of winter's night.

Looks do matter but seeing, insofar as the eye of the heart can see, matters more. For friendships like love can not be feigned by the unfamiliar heart.

If we judge a book by it's cover, we miss the message of the book. If we judge a person by externals alone, we miss the blessings of a friend.

From my Journal 20130321Thu

My Miyang was born 1929-06-12 in Frankfurt-am-Main at the heart of Germany (the same day - not year - the Philippine Republic was on earth conceived, our Independence Day).

She ended up, as the sickness of a few sickened the spirit of many, being excluded from that nation.

And as the sickness grew and overcame with the spirit of War the weakened will of a now captive Germany, she eventually died without ever feeling she and all those who were excluded with her was ever born there - right at the very heart, at the very place where the love of a nation she longed for in this life should have been felt the strongest.

That love she so longed for that she gave the name, "Kitty".

This will not happen again - not in my nation - and if I can help it - not in any nation upon the earth who claims from heaven and God a universal heritage of a common humanity and freedom.

I will not forget - never.

Reflections on Recovery

False addictions 
are those vicious attachments
that prevent one's love from knowing itself true
and thus,
taking wing to God.

Star-Shine

Our hearts when they are lit with an unseen illumination causes our souls to see what can not be seen by our physical senses... so when we project our fears, they are so projected.

When we focus on these fears enough, we ourselves tend to create what haunts us in the physical world.

For we tend to affect the "waters" of the environment we are in and we feel this in each other.

So let us be careful and solicitous about this tender and kindly light from within our hearts, for truly we can fill the world with love.

From my Journal 20130222Fri

I was in desolation for a couple of weeks and didn't realize that I was... many things, worldly and personal concerns, all worked to obscure it from my soul. It was as if I suddenly woke up and found my day had turned into night. It resulted in a near disaster for me.

I came close to despair thinking it was somehow just fine to cross over the line that will turn my hope into ashes. I was lost and only realized it when my Savior told me I was lost.

So I stopped. 

Then I had a quiet time with Jesus, my All, and when I did, I found that my way back is to get back to my Lenten observances.

So that's what i'm going to do.

From my Journal 20130204Mon

I heard Holy Mass with my Lola from 12pm to 1pm in the Ledesma Hall on the 9th floor of Makati Medical Center yesterday.

It was very good.

Somehow I had a glimpse of what Saint Peter was feeling on Mount Tabor with James and John when he said to Jesus during the Transfiguration, "Lord, its good that we are here!"

For it was very good!

It was so good to me that after the final blessing I was left wondering where all the time had gone and why there was not enough Holy Mass there.

For it was indeed very good to be there with my Lola and with my Lola with Christ Jesus and in His Light: our Way, our Truth, and our Life.

When I come back to visit my Lola today or tomorrow or very soon, it shall be very well. There shall be a momentary sadness but also a certain sense of the timeless.

For I have now come to understand that the time we spent yesterday during Holy Mass was never lost - just like the times we spent together during our life in this world.

I love my Lola.

Yes indeed, my Lola and I had many good times together, especially while I was growing up.

And if those moments spent together in love and togetherness seem fleeting - it is only because our world is veiled by time.

All those times with loved ones we wished had the quality of forever, like Peter's own expression on Tabor, are moments that seem lost to us from across the veil of time but when viewed by everlasting Light of faith is never really lost to us - they are kept for us.

For these precious moments are the treasures spoken of by Jesus in the Gospel, they are those treasures in heaven neither thief could steal nor tyrant take away.

And they are very good because our Savior is very good.